Friday, October 28, 2016


 I wish I could tell ladies (if possible in a compliment) that being complimented is not a right. Not because they are cry babies with don't-I-look-pretty faces, no, in fact some of them deny. Do your thing, take all the hours you can to make your skin tone lighter than a throwback, pick the your outfit well; but when you walk out of the doors do not expect everyone to turn their neck and master some chivalrous ego to compliment you.
Courtesy: Telegraph
Men, have you ever seen chics that, not to sound rude, are just (in our eyes) dressed like that annoying aunt who likes interrupting “adults”- read vijanaa- past recollection borne-fire circle during family get togethers? She has a faded maroon turtle neck, an old wig on her head you sweat when she is standing the broth of the just slaughtered goat, and a flowing dress that looks like a mourning sack cloth. Now, this lady walks into you space grinning, blushing to ensure her horribly conspicuous mascara is blipping on your face. She says hi, you say hi. She gives you a that's-it-? Look. You are wondering; “Do I tell her?”

Of course a fisi would know what to do. Gathering all the superlatives he's learnt since pre-school he will 'clobber' her with compliments. The lady, even reading the exaggeration in the anxious bloke's tone, is overwhelmed after many “aww thank yous”. Of course for him, in his mind, he is not really complimenting the obvious, his eyes momentarily roam on her chest. He is zoned out at some gaps, “photo shopping” her fit into the mold of the infatuations in his mind. As she rolls her eyes, he proposes something titillating- an offer she would be too smitten to refuse.

But, not so recent studies, have revealed that ladies actually dress for other ladies. Their sense of fashion has nothing, mostly, to do with getting compliments from men. But then again one compliment from a man is worth ten from fellow ladies. Ladies notice the colors, the ear rings, the arc of the eye pencil, the design of the cloth vis-a-vis (been waiting to use this word since economics classes hehe) the shape, the shoes and most importantly the hair. It starts from the time they meet. They will do a quick scan and pick something out: “I like your shoes”. They will then delve into where they bought it and distorted figure on how much it was worth. There are items that should be worth more than they look and others less than they look.

When a man compliments another man it actually comes as a by-the-way. It comes out in form of a question- “Boss, naona ni mingaro tu siku hizi eh?” The recipient just laughs or shrugs or, in rare occasions, says “nikujaribu tu”. If this conversation is to go beyond this point, it will be about his girlfriend or  'girl friend' or the prospective chic he has been eying. Period. We then relapse to politics, sports, business and gossip (yeah we do gossip). To a man a compliment is just bluffing, it is good but unnecessary and/or embarrassing. But coming from a lady that is a whole different level. It goes deeper.  “That shirt looks good on you” is interpreted “your chest is broad” or in short “I think I like you”.

Compliments, I think, is a western idea of chivalry and courtesy in a culture that treasured status. The monarch distinguished nobles from peasants by such pleasantries (no pun intended). In the progressive years sex symbols, narcissism and positivism have shaped our relationships. Although reciprocity is not always counted on, it is actually a functional way of assertion and validation. It is what we use to express, distinguish, categorize and sustain our affections. A man should always find something good to say to his lady (untruth will be vetted later). A woman as they often do, should extend their generosity of good words (especially those that boost the morale) to their men. Tell a man he is strong and he will kill something in the bush and put meat on your table.

NB: On this note, I appreciated all the readers of this website. Thanks for taking your time to scroll through our posts and commenting.

You mean a lot to us.
John Kalya
John Kalya

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